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The older I get the deeper I go into each moment. Old age is definitely not for sissies. I'm sorry about my loss of energy, mobility, and the expectation of living many more years. But after a life-long struggle with my "imperfections" I'm actually getting better at living. Better at not procrastinating, not trying to control things, not expecting catastrophic consequences when I fail at something. And better at noticing my blessings and the beauty around me -- the beauty I create and the beauty life displays.
...Read more and respond if you wishLast night I had a great session with my therapist. She is using eye movement therapy and I think that it really helps. I went through a really strange thought process during the session, where I imagined that I was throwing up all the gifts that my father had given me when I was a little girl.
...Read more and respond if you wishWhat does a child do that makes a parent abuse them? Children are innocent. I was innocent. But it did not save me from insidious, perpetual abuse from my mother. I don't know where her conscience was. I don't know how she justified her repeated betrayal. It's like there was something missing in her. Or some evil had gotten hold of her. I pay every day for being her innocent victim. I have gotten on with my life, but it will never fully leave me.
...Read more and respond if you wishWow, what a hard time I've gone through the last few months! Just when I think I've got life figured out, I go sliding down the shoot again. But things are getting better, thank heaven. I think I'm about ready to be productive again.
...Read more and respond if you wishI don't think we have a clue about the affects we suffer from trauma. I don't think we even have an idea of all that causes us trauma. But we're learning. I'm learning. Actually I'm learning to focus not on the traumas I've suffered but on how to do life better. I'm learning that the better I take care of my own wellbeing the more I can offer to others, and the more love and joy I experience. Life is complex, isn't it?
...Read more and respond if you wishMy life seems to be falling apart. No, it doesn't seem to be, it is. I have so many sorrows and burdens on my shoulders that I feel like I'm drowning -- I can't keep my head above water anymore. My father is succumbing to a fatal illness and he's only in his early sixties. My son has a chronic condition that, though not fatal, limits his options for living his life to the fullest and is something he'll have to deal with for the rest of his life -- it drains the life out of me.
...Read more and respond if you wish